To The Cave
by DySolo
Summary: Spencer always escapes to Garcia's office when he needs to get away. OneShot. Spencer/Garcia Friendship.


Author's Note: I do not own the show nor the characters. All credit goes the the writers, creator, producers and cast.

He comes into my office after a hard case. He has since The Fisher King. I don't think anyone knows and I don't tell them. It's not my place and I have to admit, I like seeing the vulnerable side of Reid. He curls up in a chair next to me, watching me as I type. Sometimes he doesn't say a word, other times I can't get him to shut up. This is one of the quiet times. I look over at him.

"What's going on in that big brain, my sweet little genius?"

Usually he'll smile and rattle off facts about how in fact his brain is no bigger than anyone else's brain and explain to me how it actually works. I usually tune him out, but today, I'm dying to see that smile, hear his explanation, but he continues to stare at the toy, mute. I lick my lips and turn back to my screens. I glance at him every few seconds, waiting. But nothing comes. He sits, staring at the toy. I want to smack his hand, like usual, tell him to leave my toys alone or to buy me a new one, but it's not the right time. I don't know when it will be the right time. I don't know if my little genius will ever be the same.

It's his first day back since Tobias Hankel kidnaped him. He's still a little bruised and I noticed him slightly limping, but I didn't say anything. Spencer hates to be fussed over and where I usually would fuss over him more just to tease him, the look he had in his eyes told me not to. I want to ask him if he's okay, tell him that he should go home, but I know the answers I'd get. No, he's fine. He wants to work. He might want to work, but...I don't know if he should. He's pale, thinner if possible. He looks like death and I would know, I saw him die. I sigh and try to concentrate on my work, but with him so close and yet so far away, he's the only thing I can concentrate on. I turn to him, open my mouth before the door opens, and Derek appears. He looks around, spots Reid.

"Reid, C'mon, we have a case. Hey sexy." He said, grinning at me. He winks and then they're gone.

They come back from the face and Reid is again in my office. He looks more at ease. Derek told me they had a talk and maybe it helped, but I still see the cracks. He's still not the Reid we know and love. I just sit here, with him, staring at my screens. I turn to him and he's staring at me, through me. I can't tell. It's kind of creepy, but I just smile, knowing he's working through something in his head. He gets that look sometimes, usually he stares at something inanimate, but this time, he's staring straight at me. Yeah, very creepy.

"Reid, you okay there, buddy?" I ask and he doesn't respond. I frown and reach out, touch his leg. He jumps, his eyes focusing.

"What, sorry, I was thinking." He said, ignoring the fact that he almost jumped out of his skin. I try not to look at him with sadness and pain, but how can I? I barely touched him and he jumped as if I were about to beat him. I just want to take him in my arms and tell him everything will okay. I wonder if anyone has ever done that to him. His mother has been in that sanatorium for years, his dad left him. I frown.

"Spencer..."

He shakes head, grabbing one of my toys.

"Tobias would.." He pausing, playing with the dog's ears. It's as if he's trying to decide if I'm worthy of telling.

"He would drug me after ...the beatings. And every time I would pass out, I'd flash back to my mother. At the time, I found it comforting, she's my mother, thank god, I thought of her, but as I sit here now, I kind of find it ironic. My mind was full of hallucinating drugs and I thought about my schizophrenic mother. It as if we had something in common now. Can't trust our own minds, mine is just controllable."

He pauses and I have to notice he's using present tense, as if he's still on the drugs. There's no way though. Spencer Reid would never use drugs, willingly. I stay silent and he continues.

"I flashed back to the moment the men came to take her away. The look on her face. She was being taken against her will, and I let them. I didn't stop them. I didn't fight for her. I let them take her and all I can think about is maybe that's why I was taken. Every action has an equal reaction. I let them take her, so he took me."

"Spencer, It wasn't-"

He shook his head. He didn't want to hear what I had to say. "The only time I've seen her in 7 years is when she was in danger. What type of son does that make me? What type of man does that make me? I should be better than that. And now I'm supposed to use this experience to help me be a 'better person', Morgan says. Empathize with the victims, because now I know what it's like. I don't want empathize. I don't want to know the pain they go through. I don't want to know how my mother felt when she got pulled away from everything she knew to be somewhere she didn't want to be. It hurts too much."

I watch him as his voice breaks, his eyes wet with tears. I don't interrupt this time.

"I just try to forget. I just try to do whatever I can to not feel the pain, not see his face, and I can't. I can't go to bed. I can't look at JJ, because then I feel so guilty. I can't...I can't do it. I feel like I'm... I feel like I'm losing myself and I don't want..." He pauses, a tear running down his face. I want to cry with him. I want to take him in my arms and just cry with him as long as he needs to cry, but I can't move. My own eyes are moist as I watch him. He looks at his hands, shaking his head.

"Sometimes I lay in my bed and I wish Tobias wouldn't have saved me."

I gasp, I can't help it. I can't stay still anymore. I lean towards him, wrapping my arms around him. I feel him tense before he relaxes. His arms snake around me and he just stays there silent. I hear him take a few ragged breaths. I feel the wet tears fall from his face before he composes himself. He wipes his eyes, sniffles and then he's silent again. He pulls back, grabs a toy and just sits there. It's a long tense silence and I watch him. It's as if he never said anything at all. He looks up, the lost lonely little boy in his eyes shines through and I try to smile at him. I clear my throat.

"What's going on in that big brain, my sweet little genius?"

He smiles a little, a fake one, but still it's a smile.

"Nothing."

He says and I know that it was the right thing to say. His walls are back up, but at least he knows, he can bring them down with me, when needed. We might not be the best of friends like he and JJ or he and Morgan, but I'm the only one who sees him completely vulnerable. He stands up, handing me the toy.

"I should get back to my paperwork."

"Yeah." I say, quietly.

He nods, not saying anything else. He walks to the door. He grabs the handle before turning to look at me. He smiles, it's small, but it's real. I'll take that any day.

"Thank you, Penelope."

"Anytime, gorgeous." I say and then he's gone again.

I stare at the door, hugging the toy to my chest. And I wonder if he'll be back tomorrow.


End file.
